My Testimony

MY TESTIMONY
Mylow Alexander Young

I’m from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I grew up I guess just like everyone else, in a dysfunctional family and like most kids, I had at least one parent who was an alcoholic. In this case my father was the one. My father had distorted ideas of what it meant to be a man. Don’t cry, don’t “take no stuff” and by all means, don’t show affection. And if you did, you were a sissy. I swore I would never be like him, my first mistake.

I experienced feelings inside that would contradict the lessons I was learning as a child. I felt gentleness and compassion. I didn’t always fight back. In fact, I really didn’t want to fight at all. I learned that my father was only teaching me the only way he, in his own wounded-ness, knew how. His upbringing was one of graphic dysfunction by the stories he and my aunts and uncles would tell. What could he really teach me?

My father would drink beer every single night. He’d send my mother to the corner bar to get his beer. I often wondered why he never went. I remember (as children) nights when my father would give my older brother and me a sip or two. Then he began to beat my mother. Both my parents drank but my father was the one you noticed. I remember watching him for years get into fights and arguments with my uncles time after time. And when they had to carry him home, I had to tuck him in.

I smoked my first joint at the age of twelve, thinking it was cool. I did think it was fun at the time though (I had some very funny friends growing up). What I didn’t know was that the “fun” that that little twelve year old boy thought he was having, would lead to a life of crime, sexual promiscuity, and much hurt and pain. I would find myself in such bondage!!! That twelve-year-old boy would one day cause utter destruction to the lives of many. The damage to my life and others would seem insurmountable.

I had my first encounter with alcohol, sneaking it at one of the many parties my parents had, taking swigs out of the bottle before they would take them downstairs. I got drunk at the age of fourteen after learning I wouldn’t get to drink any with the fellows if I didn’t chip in. The next time we got together I put in most of the money (.68 cents) so I drank most of the wine. I was caught throwing up between two parked cars by my parents. Can you believe I was punished?

At twenty years old, I had finally reached the “big leagues” with my first taste of narcotics, getting hooked on “crank” and other amphetamines. I didn’t want anything that would bring me down, I’d been down all my life. I wanted to be “up”! The crank would lead me on a path of immorality, destruction and perversion until finally I was on the street. I thought I had hit bottom, riding subway cars all night because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I had become a Christian (at sixteen) before most of this ever happened. I felt the tug of the Lord often, wooing me, coaxing me, but I wouldn’t listen. Not yet. I was only twenty-seven.

I got off the street (a drug dealer took me in) and landed a job. Lost that, then found myself living with a woman I didn’t even like…but she had access to lots and lots of drugs, cocaine by this time. Over the years I would learn the art of manipulation and deception and became somewhat functional in my addiction. I was such a “nice guy”; people were often fooled by the charm I didn’t even know I had. I wasn’t really a dishonest person but in my addiction, I could be as bad as anybody could be out there.

I got married for the first time by thirty-five, old by some people’s standards. My ex-wife was a lawyer and I headed a security staff in a large high rise building. We made a good living, did everything and went everywhere. My drug addiction was sort of on the “down low”, so I thought I was managing pretty well. She wasn’t a Christian and didn’t want to be. She supported me for a while because I did get clean… for a while. I would eventually get the job of my dreams working at a TV station on a sports show. I was in heaven. God had mercy on me. Working with professional athletes and celebrities, you might think I would’ve ridden away into the sunset right? I wish the story would’ve turned out differently.

I was enjoying my life until one night; I met the devil himself! Oh he was very subtle, and crafty, made me believe I had finally found the feeling I was always looking for. This stuff was so exhilarating; it caused me to believe every truth I had ever learned was a lie. It caused me to give my whole life to it, with no reservations. I said “goodbye” to a future in television and to my first wife.

Homeless again, I knew I had to make a choice. I had previously been to a facility (Bethel Colony of Mercy) in Lenoir, North Carolina. I would go back there thinking I could get things right again. Well, I did go back; and I thought my ex-wife would take me back but I was wrong again. See, it didn’t matter to her that there were things I was dealing with from my childhood. I didn’t even know what I was dealing with but I knew it was something. Could I be destined to this life of misery?

Was this the hand I was dealt and was being forced to play? Yes! What? This was the hand I was dealt but to play it, I had no clue as to how. I had blamed everybody and their mother for my shortcomings and character traits. It was always someone else’s fault.

In this little town in North Carolina I would learn a more about myself and my addiction but not enough. After going through their program I joined the staff. I served in this ministry for three years helping others with their struggles. I was helping others through their struggles but I wasn’t able to help myself. Yes, I was clean but I still didn’t know why I was the way I was. This ministry would serve me well also, becoming like family. But after three years clean I used again. Here was the shame all over again, the guilt, all over again. The hurt and pain would slowly seep back into my life all… over… again. Relapse after relapse I had fallen head first into sin, again, back in program…again. After six months there, I was told how I finally had it right this time. But before I left, I had used again!

I eventually moved to Statesville, N.C. (a town about 45 miles from Charlotte) where I joined a church and immediately began to serve as the praise and worship leader. The preacher was familiar with my past and decided it would be to my best interest to participate in a church rehab program. It would be a form of accountability if you will. Ok great, no problem. I was all for it. But the program didn’t go as planned. There were a bunch of rules but no love, no grace and no forgiveness. Eventually I was excommunicated, kicked to the curb by the church, the one place that was supposed to help me. What would I do now? I was going to have to get through this by myself. Don’t you know that I couldn’t do it by myself?

In the middle of the church “fiasco”, I rented a nice, comfortable room from this decent guy who worked all the time so he was hardly ever home. I thought to myself, I’m free! I can settle down now. I was clean for months… you guessed it, I used again. I would be clean months at a time, then weeks. Then something snapped inside me and I went crazy. This generous man who opened his heart and home to me would be the victim of the worst robbery I would ever commit against another person. I commenced to “clean out” this good man’s house, for the sake of getting another hit of crack cocaine.

I was afraid to go back there; surely I’d been discovered by now. I didn’t know which way to turn. In all my escapades in the drug world, I had never, ever been involved with the law (because I never got caught). But I found myself at a desk at the sheriff’s dept. making a statement, a confession. This was more than a confession of a crime, this was confessing to God that I was at the end of my rope and I didn’t know what in this world I was going to do! I was forty-five years old.

Weeks earlier, I met this other preacher. This man though, showed me the true meaning of God’s love. He didn’t even know me but was there for me and I knew I could trust him. I called for his help and that’s what he did. He helped me. For one, he helped keep me out of jail. He then introduced me to another guy who got me into “The Transformation Center”. My life was changed forever, and that is the biggest understatement ever to come from these lips!

I learned that God’s grace, mercy, love and acceptance was more important than the “rules”. I learned that God was not interested in my performance but in my heart. I could never live up to God’s “standards” outside of what Christ has done for me. I learned that because of what Christ has done for me that I could not do for myself; I was already accepted, approved if you will. For so long I had been seeking other’s approval in my life but I learned that I have God’s approval and that’s all I need. I’ve learned that God loves me in my worst state, and even then I am totally accepted.

Another very important thing is, I’m learning to understand the reality of wounded-ness. Those things instilled in me from childhood. That God is willing and able to heal the hurt, the fear of rejection and failure. I’m learning that God wants to expose and heal the wounds so that I will not be a victim of my past. In Christ I am fully capable of fulfilling my God-given purpose.

I was beginning to lose hope until I was finally able to see the Lord’s heart. Gone was my guilt, gone, the shame! Wow! That changed my life! He… changed my life! Then He brought me my bride, Sondra, after all these years! I had sought out a woman’s company and companionship all of my life. When I stopped searching, that’s when He led us together. In less than a month we will celebrate our sixth anniversary. Praise God! She loves me, supports me and stands by me. Sondra is the main part of my support system.

A good support system is so vitally important if you’re going to walk this walk victoriously. The other is the Body of Christ, the church. Not the church building, but a group of people that function together, built on the foundation of God’s love, His grace, and His forgiveness. I must say I am blessed with a wonderful church family!

So here I am, just a few months short of fifty- two years old but I’m FREE! Finally free! Some say it took me long enough but… God had a plan, a plan that I couldn’t see. He was never finished with me. He said that He would perfect that which pertains to me. That He would finish what He started. God is the Author “and” the finisher of my faith… and He’s not finished yet, Praise God!

Along with a beautiful wife, He’s blessed me with a good job that I’ve had going on seven years (almost twice as long as I’ve ever held “any” job!), and averaging a significant raise for each year. And I’ve been promoted twice! That’s God! We’ve got a wonderful townhouse apartment (and believing God for a house) that is filled with much more than the devil ever stole! God is so good!

My struggles weren’t for me, to teach me lessons for life. Though I did learn them, my struggles were for someone else who would need them. Look at me and see that there is still hope. There’s always hope! Whatever you do, don’t give up. No matter how long it might take or how many times you fall, get back up and try it again but DON’T EVER GIVE UP!

Now I want to show others that same hope. I want to show others the love and mercy and grace of God. The Lord has blessed me with a gift to write (poems, songs, stories), and I’ve had a book of poems published last December, soon to be followed by my first novel! (www.youcanstillriseagain.com) My novel took more than five years to complete so that is a major victory in itself! To top that off, the Lord made me a deacon in my church. God is GOOD!

I believe God to reach the world with the expression of the experiences He’s allowed me to go through. I always wanted people to accept me, love me for who I am and not what they thought I should be. That’s what I’ve been learning myself, to love people where they are. After all, that’s not our responsibility but God’s.

There are millions of hurting people in this world and there is a loving God who wants them to know that there is hope, a way out. The Lord is a refuge for all of those millions… for you! You don’t have to wonder if there really is hope or if anyone really loves you. God loves you! He loves YOU! He really cares! He does! Now, I want to be a life preserver, to keep someone from drowning in the hopelessness that is crack cocaine. I want to help lead hurting men out of the darkness and into His marvelous light. God truly is good and to Him be all the glory! Be blessed.




Mylow